Yesterday was my first day on the bike and while I was hoping the foot would cope, it did not. 50km of mtb riding up hill and down dale, pushing up some of the steeper sections and wash outs with panniers on my bike and wearing bike shoes has inflamed it further.
It started as a beautiful ride - winding out of the city of Logroño with a final destination of Santo Domingo de la Calzada. The head wind wasn’t too bad at 9am but it was constant all day, topping out at 20km/h making for a mind-challenge all day - it was relentless.
My lack of prep on the bike was evident (and the fact that we should have opted for e-bikes!) and after another horrible night’s sleep, I left the bike at the hotel and found myself with the other injured pilgrims on the bus.
They say that the Camino provides answers for those who seek them. I am not in a good place either mentally or physically and I know that that is the Camino telling me to step back and work on myself to get to a place of peace.
My anxiety has been rampant the last three weeks, I am not sleeping well, find it difficult to eat in the mornings after my brain has been churning all night, stirring the anxiety further - and I know I am putting a load on myself having failed to find the joy in this adventure I thought I would.
My preparation has been well less than what I had hoped, injury has hampered me further and I think the last few years of trauma that was pushed down as far as it could go is beginning to manifest in my body. My back is out, one hip is aching, both feet have their individual issues and my shoulder that was reconstructed last year is throbbing. My brain won’t switch off at night and I spend every night tossing and turning and not getting enough quality sleep.
My idea of walking and riding the Camino is at an end. My idea now is to find transport between towns for the rest of the journey, in the hopes I can salvage something from this mess. I am still in Spain, seeing new sites and having a break but I am counting down the days til I reach Santiago and then instead of walking to Finisterre I have booked a bus to take me there three days earlier where I will spend four days by the beach, reading books, eating sea food and cheering on my walk/ride buddy Racheal, who is smashing her goals every day.
I’m going to be ok and I’m hoping by putting this out there I will be able to manage some of the anxiety that is ruling my gut. I have some Plan Bs and Cs if this doesn’t work and I am fully supported by our on-site travel coordinator who finds me buses and taxis to get from place to place.
The irony is not lost on me that I brought a shirt with me that promotes my friend’s foundation promoting mental health. The slogan (from memory - my luggage hasn’t arrived yet for me to check), is “Mental Health starts with a chat.” I wish I had started this conversation a bit earlier.
Social media is so often about the highs and not quite so much about the lows. Well, I need to share the lows - it’s not always sunshine and lollipops.
💪
ReplyDeleteOh dear Sue, I am certainly empathising with you. You have been strong for a long time, so it’s good you’ve heard your body’s message. Not easy to slow down and be more still and at peace, to give yourself the me time
ReplyDeletePraying that you’ll find places and times to restore rejuvenate and refresh your mind, spirit and body. The Nurse has to add:
Have you ever tried phenergan 10 mg or higher.( If necessary. ). to help sleep it’s an antihistamine that works for me and the liver deals with it fairly well, in Aus. It is over the counter ( not sure about in Spain) As for your throbbing shoulder and feet... Can Panadol be obtained easily, there. Just one or two nights good sleep would certainly do you good. Haven’t met any great Spanish Podiatrists have you. Mine in Aus, Sam, was a God send for my Plantar Fasciitis, I Had put up with it for 13 months when he suggested ice frozen drink bottle to roll. Worked . As well. Rest is the best for both Your feet and shoulder. Call on the Creator. Love, Aunty Liz.
It’s a pilgrimage no matter where from, how far or how you travelled. The journey is with and to yourself. And when you arrive there you’ll know the peace you were looking for all along. Xxx
ReplyDeleteSue, I have admired your strength throughout the toughest of times.
ReplyDeleteTry not to be hard on yourself.
Even if you feel that you are not getting the journey that you hoped or planned for, I believe that you WILL come back stronger and calmer in the long run for having tackled it.
A pilgrimage is different things for different people and especially after such a tough passage in your life.
Time Out.
Hugs. Sue Donelly
I really feel for you. Being away from home and family hightens the anxiety I'm sure. You have done the best thing by recognising it and looking for the best solutions. Taking the time out for yourself is the best self care 💗
ReplyDelete