These holidays have been a real treat for me. Usually I would have taken the week off for the ride and the two weeks for school holidays and returned to work, however this year I chose to spoil myself and take an extra two weeks at the end for some "me" time.
This ate away at me for a while. Did I really deserve that much time, was it really necessary?
Work has been a hard slog lately. I have been working on a redesign of our branch. While my job was "safe" in recruitment, a lot of people who I like and respect were put through an emotional roller coaster as their jobs were cut. I took a lot of this to heart, and owned a lot of their grief, anger and resentment. I shouldn't, but that's the person I am.
As a result I wasn't sleeping, I was packing on weight and I'm not ashamed to say that I think I was fairly close to a breakdown just before I went on leave. The one thing I found that got me through was keeping a personal journal where I could be honest and open about my feelings. I found that when I put the words onto the page, I could hold it together and make sure the people at work only ever saw the best of me. It also helped that I was absolutely blessed to meet a wonderful change manager who has been instrumental (even if she doesn't know it) in keeping me sane and stable. I am indebted to her as I knew I could leave the project in her very capable hands and not even think about it while I was on holiday.
Anyway, after thinking it through, hell yes, I deserved the extended break.
In that time I've had an analysis of my bike set up, and today I visited the podiatrist to get my new orthotics organised.
I have two very different feet, so the set up of my orthotics are very different - and to top it off, one of legs is slightly longer, so now I even get a lift in one shoe to even up the length. Once again, this is something that will go a long way toward alleviating my back pain. Two consults and two very similar diagnoses - I just can't imagine what my life will be like when back pain is no longer a significant presence in my life.
And so with one week to go, I am looking forward to a few more little pampering sessions, a long ride and then ease back into the mode that we call work. And I'm not going to feel guilty. I've really enjoyed being here in the mornings to see the kids off to school and being here for them in the afternoons. Future holidays may just have to have a few of these days built in. In fact you can bank on it.